Pokemon: Retarded Dungeon
by xrokkuriix
Summary: A Parody of Pokemon:Mystery Dungeon. Started off as a joke but it now takes up a lot of my free time. I think it's pretty good in comparison to Irochigai Densetsu or The Embers Start a Fire. It may get Here We Go Again ish. Has the mild d and mild h word.
1. The Quiz!

A/N I don't own Pokemon or Nintendo or any of their games.

This idea spawned with the single item: The "Person Band", when my friend misunderstood me when we were playing Unknown Dungeon mode("Persim Band" for "Person Band"). Then, we spawned all sorts of jokes about PMD(the game we were playing)…

And thus, the birth of this fic. Enjoy. And please R&R but also be aware that this week I cannot update often due to Book Reports and Halloween.

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"Alright, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon!" Kathleen(more commonly called Kathy)shouted with glee. She had been waiting for weeks to save up enough money for it, and it was finally ready to chip a nice chunk off her life. She placed the game in the slot, turned the power on, and the beginning intro began. It was very nice, she noted. She selected "New Game" and—

"Hey, what's going on?"

Her DS had turned off. She had just charged it, so it couldn't be out of power _already. _She had waited all this time, and her DS couldn't be acting up at a time like this, so she impatiently turned it back on. All of a sudden, everything turned pitch black.

"What the--?!" Maybe a power outage? Suddenly, she heard a deep, booming voice, and yet somewhat hollow, like as if text suddenly had the ability to speak.

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l Here is the portal to the Pokemon l

l world. l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

"Whoa, what the—" Kathy turned around, still hearing her echo-ey voice in her head. It was all blackness.

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l But before I let you in, you have to answerl

l some questions. l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

"Wait…Who are you? And what if I don't want to answer any questions, or go to any Pokemon world? Where am I, and _where's my video game_!!"

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l Shut up. First question: l

l l

l l

l What did you do after you blamed that l

l horrible fart of yours on Marissa? l

l l

l A. Squelch and wallow in mud. l

l B. Make an even more hideous fart. l

l C. Marry your Gym Teacher. l

l l

"WHAT?! That wasn't _my_ fart! I did NONE of those things!!" It was true, Marissa was actually KNOWN for making farts.

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l You're right, you did D, all of the above. l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

Kathy was outraged, and she didn't even know who to be outraged at.

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l Next question: l

l l

l l

l Why are you so stupid and ugly? l

l l

l l

l A. You just are. l

l B. You are very stupid and ugly. l

l C. You are, in fact, the stupidest and l

l ugliest and fattest girl that ever existed. l

l l

Kathy was fuming. Of course, none of what the voice said was true.

"Hey, I'm NOT ugly!! I may be a little dorky, but people tell me that makes me cute."

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l I've never heard a more pitiful stupid, l

l ugly dork in my entire life. l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

"You still haven't answered ANY of my questions."

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l You probably mean C. NEXT QUESTION! l

l l

l If you could pick between John and a pig l

l to marry, who would you marry? l

l l

l A. A Pig. l

l B. A Rat. l

l C. A rusty can. l

l D. A Hobo. l

l l

John was the boy Kathy had a crush on. They went to the same english class.

"Let me guess: You're going to make me say "D"."

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l I didn't make you say it, you said it l

l yourself. l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

Kathy rolled her eyes.

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l FINAL QUESTION!! l

l l

l If you answer this without screwing up I l

l might let you go back home. l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

"But where am I _now_?"

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l Man, you ARE stupid. You're in your game.l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

"I didn't think it'd be like _this_…"

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l You should've known what was coming l

l when you bought the Pirated version. l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

"Wait…the store bought a _pirated_ game?!"

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l FINAL QUESTION: l

l l

l What are you? l

l l

l A. Emo/Goth. l

l B. Homo/Gay. l

l C. Both/Bigender. l

l l

l l

l l

"I'm _neither_!!" Kathy shrieked, now getting absolutely furious.

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l Look: you only have three options. I'll tell l

l you what: I'll pick it for you. l

l l

l A. Emo/Goth. l

l B. Homo/Gay. l

l -- C. Both/Bigender. l

l l

l l

l l

l l

"So what's my results, idiot-man?"

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l What if I am a boy? Or even a woman or l

l a girl? You are a very mean person, l

l Young Lady. How sexist of you! l

l l

l Anyway, your results are… l

l l

l l

l l

l l

l l

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l Your idiotic stupidness and ugliness l

l amazes people in many ways. If they l

l were allowed to, they would lock you up l

l inside a glass case in a museum. l

l l

l Obviously a creature as horribly disfigured l

l as you would be… l

l l

l l

l l

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l l

l STUPIDMON!! l

l l

l l

l l

l E E l

l O l

l v l

l NNN l

l l

"That's not even a Pokemon. You really _are_ dumb."

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l Hey, _I'm _not stupidmon, am I? l

l l

l Anyway, if you want to be so picky, I'll justl

l give you a random Pokemon. You won't bel

l gifted with the pride that you got your truel

l answer. l

l l

l Your Pokemon is… l

l l

l l

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l l

l MEOWTH!! l

l l

l 0 l

l --l l-- l

l -- -- /-- l

l l

l l

l AHAHA!!! IT LOOKS SO GAY!!! Yeah, this l

l is DEFINITELY your Pokemon!! l

"I don't know. It looks kind of cute."

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l Well you're the Homo Bigenderal Emo, not l

l me. Plus, Meowth is supposed to be the l

l villain, or something. I don't know, I don't l

l watch the stupid show. l

l l

l SO NOW TIME FOR YOUR IDIOTIC l

l JOURNEY!! I HOPE YOU GET ENDLESSLY l

l TORTURED!! l

l l

l l

All of a sudden, Kathy could feel she was in a different place. She was lying down. The ground actually felt nice and soft, even in comparison to her bed. Then, she heard a voice.

"…Hey. Hey, wake up!"

Then another. "You think it's dead?"

"Let's poke it with a stick!!" One voice enthusiastically said.

"Just leave it alone, if it's dead then it has germs and stuff."

Kathy opened her eyes. A Torchic, Chikorita, Totodile, and Eevee had all gathered around her.

"Whoa, it's awake!!" The Totodile almost shrieked.

"Told you." Torchic sassily commented.

"Wow! Pokemon! And they're talking!" Kathy said, astounded to really be in the Pokemon world. This statement earned strange glances from the four Pokemon.

"It must have brain problems or something. Let's go." Eevee boredly said.

"W-wait!!" The Totodile tried to get the Eevee from leaving. It turned to Kathy. "Well…what's your name?"

"I'm Kathy." She said enthusiastically. "What are your names?"

The Eevee turned around as well, despising the fact that it almost got away.

"I'm Kevin." The Torchic said, which was strange since it was a girl.

"I'm Caroline!" The Chikorita somewhere-between-boredly-and-happily said.

"Nagaoryu." The Totodile said. (Nagaoryu means Eternal Blue Dragon)

"Just Eevee."

"Okay." They stood there for a few minutes. "Why are we just standing here?"

Nagaoryu put his paw on his mouth and said, "You know, that kind of makes me wonder: How can a Meowth stand on two legs?"

Kathy looked at herself. It was true: she had been turned into a Meowth.

That explains why I can understand Pokemon, Kathy noted.

All of a sudden, someone cried out, "Help! Someone help!"


	2. First Rescue Mission

A/N: I don't own Pokemon, blah blah blah.

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"HELP! Someone, please HELP!"

"What is it, your smelliness?" Eevee said to the very bad-smelling Cleffable.

"Oh, it's TERRIBLE! My little Haku got stuck in that bush!!" She shrieked.

"I'm just picking thorns to throw at the neighbor, mom." The Cleffa said, her little tail poking out from in the bush, probably either to bend down or show her behind to her mom.

"Will you please rescue my little Haku?! Can't you see she's in PERIL??"

"Goddammit, mom, will you shut up already? I'm just getting some thorns." This time, her head poked out, but it was strange: either an extremely large amount of body-dye was applied, or it was naturally black-colored. Most probably the former. The Cleffable continued to shriek. Haku sighed. "You see what I have to go through every single damned day." She disappeared into the bushes again.

"OH MY GOD SHE'S LOST AGAIN!! Don't worry, Honey, a rescue team's here!!" The Cleffable continued to shout.

"What?!" Eevee said.

"Err, we're not exactly a rescue team, ma'am." Caroline tried to explain.

"Well, we could become one!" Nagaoryu offered.

"That would be kind of cool, don't you think?" Kevin piped up.

"Okay! Our first rescue mission! Great!" Caroline happily said.

"Bums…" Eevee mumbled under its breath.

The rescue team got to work(or, sort of). They perilously walked over to the bush. Oh, no! Kevin almost tripped over that pebble!! Watch out for that Mailbox, it might be dangerous!! That was close, that blade of grass almost KO'd Nagaoryu!! After a long, hard journey across the 20-foot backyard, they reached the bush.

"Your mom wants you." Eevee said.

"Don't you think I'd know that already?!" Haku snapped.

"Then why don't you go over there?" Nagaoryu asked.

"She's a nut, shouldn't _you_ know that already?"

"We'll let you join our rescue teeeam♪!!" Kevin piped up, which earned a glare from Haku so nasty it made her hide behind Eevee, trembling.

"How about you do me a favor: get me 200 Poison Spikes, and _then_ we'll talk." Haku offered. The smiles and looks from the team made Haku cringe. "Just hurry up and stop acting so gay."

The Team got to picking. Once again carefully avoiding the very dangerous lawn objects, they eventually managed to gather a total of 208 Poison Spikes, which Haku snatched up. She then proceeded to throwing them at the neighbor and laughing nastily when he writhed and shrieked in agony.

"Erm…your mom, remember?" Kevin said.

"Whatever." Haku said, stepping down from her stool, which she needed to see over the 3-foot hedge that bordered the backyards. Her mom was now spewing nonsense from her mouth in a volume no one would ever think a Cleffable could accomplish.

"I WENT TO BUY SOME ORANGE GOATS BUT THEY TURNED INTO BANANAS AND THEN I SPIT ON MY MOM BUT SHE YELLOWED HER WAY INTO THAT MOUSE'S HORSE OF COATS WHICH HAD APPLES ON THEM AND WENT TO DUNGEONS IN CASE ANYONE FARTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY AND TIN WAS NOT VALUABLE IN SALSA—"

"Mom."

"HAWAII!!" The Cleffable said.

"It's "Haku", mom, and I don't even like my name."

"WHATEVER!!" She turned to the Unnamed Team, which took a couple steps back, afraid of what she might attempt to do. "Thank you SO much for rescuing Holland."

"Mom, it's "Haku"—"

"Let's see what I have as a reward." She walked up to her house, which looked chubby, if that was possible. When she opened the door, a stream of Poke burst out. It took a few minutes for it to finally die down. After about a minute, she finally said, "I don't think I have anything to give you. I'll just have to give you HERBY!"

"Mom, I don't want to join any damn Rescue Team!" Haku protested.

"Well, if that's what you want, I know you'll be bored all summer not doing anything, so I'm going to the Mental Institution…"

Haku did a happy dance, which no one expected her to know how to do.

"…And I'm bringing you along! I can see you're enthusiastic about it already!"

"OKAY MOM THAT'S GOOD NOW GOOD-BYE FOREVER!!" Haku hurriedly said, pulling all four Pokemon of the Unnamed Team by any appendage possible at an extremely fast rate.

"We completed our first rescue mission, yay!" Shouted Kevin.

"High-Five!" Caroline said, and all the Pokemon(excluding Eevee and Haku, who exchanged glances)did a high-five to each other.

"We should get our rescue badges, and a team base, and a mailbox, and—" Nagaoryu stopped dead in his hyperactive tracks, realizing something.

"You finally shut up! God." Haku commented.

"You know, I wonder why." Eevee said, but not asked.

"Our Team Name! We need one!" Nagaoryu exclaimed, holding his arms up.

"Thanks, _Eevee_." Haku sarcastically said, glaring at Eevee.

"Put your arms down, you reek." Eevee said to Nagaoryu, trying to avoid the subject.

"Yeah, a Team Name!" Kathy enthusiastically said. She then realized she had been acting like a total superfluous character, and because of her Main Character status, she needed to speak more.

"Lollipop!" Piped up Kevin.

"Dragon!" Offered Caroline.

"How about "Team Idiots"." Haku sarcastically said.

"Hey, that's a great idea!" Kathy shouted, already doing better. Haku let out a scream of being-tortured-with-non-gothic-people.

"You know, I've always wondered…" Eevee started, "Why is your name Haku? I mean, Haku means white, and it's a boy's name, right?"

Haku sadly nodded her head.

"I feel your pain…" Kevin glumly mumbled. This was the first time any of the other five Pokemon had heard her say anything unhappily. She then turned around and screamed, "WHY DID YOU NAME ME KEVIN?! WHAIIEEEEEEEEEE?!?!" as if there were some being watching over her, controlling all her movements, and listening to everything she said.

A voice that sounded like it came from behind a wall of glass said, "Because it's cute!" but no one paid any attention to it. They just vowed to get revenge on the programmer someday for not paying any attention to gender.

"Then it's settled!!" Caroline enthusiastically piped up, obviously trying to change the mood and the subject, even though Kevin was sobbing loudly. "We are now Team Idiots!!"

"I'm starting to wonder if I should have stayed with my mom…" Haku muttered.

"What was that?" Nagaoryu asked.

"I said Team Idiots is a very good name for all of you." Haku spat.

"I'm glad you think so!" Said Kathy, proving that no one in the team but Eevee and Haku understood the true meaning of what Haku had just said. Haku buried her head in her hands and screamed.

"Tomorrow, we'll have a team base, and all that stuff, and our team will finally be coming along! Then, we'll start doing rescue missions!!" Caroline shouted. The four non-goth Pokemon nodded their heads excitedly, while Eevee and Haku just mumbled something incomprehensible and probably inappropriate for this story.


	3. Oh Noes

A/N I don't own Pokemon.

Enjoy and stuff.

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Clatter. Cla-KK-KK!! Ker pang cla-KK!!

There were strange, rattling noises outside. As Kathy groggily went outside, she was surprised to find three Pokemon digging in her mailbox.

"Oh, Hello!" The Purple one nastily said with a wide grin on his face, his arm halfway inside the mailbox.

"I keep my pet Carvannia in there, you know." Kathy sarcastically said. However, the Purple one fell for it and withdrew his hand sharply, checking for any injuries. Kathy rolled her eyes. "You're all idiots, you know that?"

"We are?" Man, these guys were more gullible than she thought. Kathy smiled as she thought of what she could say to them.

"What are you doing, anyway? Don't make me get my friend, Rayquaza, out here, so he'll tear you apart limb-from-limb." Kathy whispered and leaned closer the last three syllables. The three Pokemon shivered. "But what do you know? I might be Dyoxys in disguise, for all you know."

"Sh-shut up!!" The Purple one stuttered, staggering back, causing him to topple over onto the red one and effectively creating a domino effect. Kathy laughed.

"Hey, what in damn hell's going on around here?!" Haku snapped, coming from her friend area which was relatively nearby. "Whoever's making that noise…" She started smiling. That was the creepiest smile any of the four Pokemon had ever seen.

The Purple Pokemon managed a fake smile of feigned pride. "Ha-ha, we're not scared of a _Cleffa_."

All of a sudden, he started rising into the air. Haku's hand was guiding his flight.

"This guy's really starting to piss me off…" Haku said. "Has anyone ever seen a Pokemon…_inside-out_?"

"LEGGOAHMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" He shrieked, flailing like crazy.

"Pfft, pathetic little creature." Haku started choking the Purple Pokemon.

"YOU! Cat-thing!! Aren't you going to save me?" It desperately cried.

"Eh, not really…" Kathy calmly said, watching his closely.

"Wh…y…n…o…t…"

Kathy blinked. "I've always wanted to see what shade of color a Purple Pokemon would turn if it was suffocating."

After a couple minutes, Kathy turned to the two other Pokemon.

"Aren't _you_ going to try to save him?"

"Not really." The red one said.

"Yeah," the lavender one said, "We have better things to do in our spare time than to save this guy. Besides, all your missions suck."

"Yeah, let's go home." Red tiredly said.

"Wait, who are you?" Kathy asked, a little bored herself.

"I'm Charmeleon." The red one answered.

"Wartortle." The Lavender one answered simply.

"And that guy?" Kathy pointed to the Pokemon that answered her question.

"He's Arbok."

"It's sad the Programmer had absolutely no creativity whatsoever." Wartortle sadly said, referring to how anyone outside Team Idiots only had their Pokemon name.

"Want one of these Vote Against the Programmer stickers?" Kathy offered, holding one up. Charmeleon and Wartortle happily took one. The sound of Arbok choking was getting annoying. "Haku, can you stop that?"

She was laughing maniacally.

"HAKU!!"

"Shut up, idiot!"

"Stop that!!"

"Why?"

"Your mom."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Arbok was dropped to the ground, wheezing and coughing.

"You…FIEND…" He managed to say, between choked breaths.

But it was too late. Haku was already back in her friend area, curled up in a ball in her bed, sucking her thumb for fear of her mom's return.

"See you tomorrow…PUNK!" Arbok spat. "C'mon, gang, let's move."

"Wow, they really ARE dependent upon Arbok." Kathy noted. "What a bunch of losers."

The next day…

"WAKE UP, IDIOTS!!" The call repeated itself over and over again.

"What the—?!" Kathy was perplexed. Apparently a strange alarm clock had been placed by her bedside. It eventually turned out this strange alarm clock had been placed by all the Idiots' beds.

"Like the new alarm clock I installed?" Eevee slickly said.

"You…" Was all Kathy could say. "You're an idiot as well, you know."

"Yeah, I know." Eevee said as she walked across the room. Then, her ears started twitching.

"What's that about?" Kathy asked.

"There's a commotion in the square," Eevee explained. All the Idiots were gathered, and they headed over to town square.

"…Yes, it's ALL true!" Arbok said, a sneer like the one Wartortle had on his face. "Kathy really IS a monster! And a criminal!"

Everyone gasped. Kathy was surprised everyone in the town was so gullible.

"Yes! You know, RIGHT THIS MOMENT she's stealing things! She's stealing our OXYGEN! She's breathing, see!"

Murmurs throughout the crowd.

"Yes, isn't it terrible? Not only that, but have you EVER seen ANY Meowths pass by here? Or ANY of Team Idiots, for that matter? That's because they're not Pokemon, but ALIENS!!"

Exited whispers throughout the crowd.

"Indeed!" Wartortle continued the ridiculous story. "But, their appearances are not normal, either. They're actually ALIENS, with 20 feet and 10 tails and 6 heads!"

"WHAT'LL WE DOOOOO!!!" Someone shrieked, highly moved in the opposite direction by the team's prodding.

"We're DOOMED!" Another cried.

"Let's RUN FOR THE HILLS!!" Someone else shouted.

"Now everyone, don't panic." Arbok said, through grinning fangs. "Even though THAT CLEFFA ALMOST KILLED ME!!"

Gasps and screams. Even though it was true, Kathy was surprised anyone believed it.

"All we need to do is KILL THEM! That'll rid our planet of these aliens! Kill them before they kill us! Defend your friend, your family, your planet…GET THEM FOR TEAM GOOBER!"

That's their team name…? Kathy thought. They really ARE losers…

But then, everyone started towards Team Idiots. They were brainwashed by Team Goober's tale, and were determined to get the "aliens".

"Better MOVE!!" Haku said as she started running. The rest of Team Idiots started running away, as well.

This was the start of the part of their lives as fugitives.


	4. Articuno to Zap'doss

A/N I don't own Pokemon.

Also, for anyone that didn't get the "Armed Arbok" joke(when it said "stuck his arm in the mailbox", but Arbok doesn't have any arms. It's a joke).

Thanks Angstic Articuno for spelling corrections, and for those that don't know by now:

This story is very random. A lot of details will be missed or unnecessarily filled in, or the plot may advance either too quickly or too slowly. If this annoys you, go read Irochigai Densetsu or something.

And in case you were wondering, Caroline and Nagaoryu are based off my Mystery Dungeon team, while Kevin and Eevee were based off of my friend's. Kathy(Kathleen)was based off of us combined, and Haku is completely my creation.

I just, you know, messed them up a little.

…And no, I am neither a fan nor dislike the Beatles.

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"Are we there yet?" Kathy whined.

"No." Haku answered.

"Are we there yet?" Kevin complained.

"No.

"Are we there yet?" Caroline prodded.

"WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!!" Haku yelled. "We've only been traveling for 4 DAMN MINUTES! We're not even GOING anywhere, we're just trying to escape Team Goober and those other idiots."

"Oh." Everyone said in unison.

"Are we there yet?" Nagaoryu pressed. Haku turned on her heel, and marched over to Nagaoryu and started choking him, this time by hand.

"Haku, please set him down!" Eevee said. "I hate him too, but we can always ditch him if a bunch of enemies show up!"

Haku threw him down and tore a sharp look at Eevee. "Wuss."

"Well, where are we?" Kathy asked.

"Wow, the scenery appears to have dramatically changed in the past minute." Caroline the Chikorita noted. Nagaoryu the Totodile was still rubbing his neck. "The author appears to be pretty careless and impatient, too, so we must be approaching a climactic point in the story. They probably either catch us, or we meet a legendary Pokemon and continue our journey that ends up being meaningless and we all die in vain." Everyone blinked. "Or…we continue walking."

And so they did, ignoring the obvious breaking of the fourth wall.

"Geez, is it me, or is it getting bitterly cold?" Said Eevee.

"You." Haku snapped, quick to answer because of her goth-ness.

"No, look! It's a giant MOUND!" Nagaoryu said, pointing to an anthill.

"And there's a giant MOUNTAIN!" Kathy said, pointing to the more-than-obvious mountain in front of them.

"We should go inside, although it's probably dangerous and we'll probably be tortured for the rest of our lives." Caroline noted. Haku grinned and nodded at the thought of her team getting tortured. So, regardless that it was about the worst option to do at the moment, they all went inside.

F1

There was one room, and almost right next to Kathy were the stairs. So she walked over there, and went up.

"Wow, we're at the peak already?"

"Strange, don't you think?" Asked Eevee.

"It's because of rent." Answered a large, blue bird that no one had noticed, which was actually highly surprising because of its size. "I didn't have enough Poke to get Mt.Freeze, so I had to settle for this."

"Oh. Okay." Caroline said.

"So how are you guys doing? Do you want some cookies and milk, or something?" It asked.

"Nah, we're okay." Kevin answered. "It's kind of cold in here, you know?"

"Yes. I _like_ it cold, you see."

"Yeah, well…" Haku started, "TOO BAD! Make it warmer!"

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PRECIOUS COLD!" The blue bird snapped. "I AM ARTICUNO, AND I WILL KILL YOU ALL!"

"Nice going, Haku." Eevee snapped.

The bird advanced, and what followed was an action scene too boring to be described. In the end, Articuno got its blue butt kicked.

"Wow, that was easier than I thought," Nagaoryu noted.

"THAT'S IT WARM NOW!!" Kevin yelled, apparently more hot-impatient than Haku. She started spewing flames, and turned the bitter winter into a nice summer. Taillow started chirping, Wurmple started climbing the trees, and the Beatles started playing a song in the background.

"Wh-what did you DO?!" Articuno said, half-marveled and half-disgusted at how a tiny Torchic could completely change the entire scenery.

"Kevin used Sunny Day," Eevee explained.

"NOOOOUUUU I'm MEEEEELTIIIIIIINGGGG!!!" And like that, the Articuno dissolved into a puddle of water like any average snowman, probably never to be seen again in canon anyway.

"…I'm bored let's move." Nagaoryu said, Caroline knowing him well for getting bored easily.

"But can't we put the water in a bottle or something?" Asked Caroline, always being conservative when it came to items. "It might be important later on."

"Shut up, if the croc wants to go, the croc wants to go." Said Haku, also bored because of her goth-ness. Caroline quickly scooped up the water and caught up with the rest of the group.

After a lot of meaningless scenes, most including Shoehorns, the group reached a normal-looking mountain.

"I THINK THEY'RE OVER THERE!" One of the outside-of-team-idiots idiots shouted.

"LET'S GET THE ALIENS!" Another shouted. Team Idiots had to pick up the pace, and go to the mountain.

F1

This time, there were a good amount of rooms. Suddenly, a Dodrio appeared.

"Hi, what's your name—" Kathy started.

"KILL!" It responded.

"Kill? That's an odd name."

"KILL!"

"Yes I KNOW your name is Kill. My name is Kathy, and—"

"KILL!" It attacked Kathy.

"Why did you do that, Kill?"

"KILL!" It continued attacking Kathy. She used scratch, and the bird flashed then disappeared.

"Good-bye, Kill!" She chirped. As the group made their way to the stairs, they encountered a lot of other Pokemon "named Kill". Nonetheless, they reached…

F2

It was pretty much the same, but with items. The group found money, a Persim Band, and an Apple.

F3

The same but with money.

F4

"Mew!"

"Kathy, this stupid pink cat won't get away from me!!"

"Mew mewmewmew mew?"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Haku killed it.

F5, F6, F7, and F8 were all pretty boring.

F9

Kathy and her team walked over to the stairs, when suddenly thunder struck it.

"WHOA!!" Everyone yelled. They stared at the spot where the stairs were in disbelief, it was replaced by a scorched spot on the ground.

Blink.

Blink.

"Err…?!" Eevee didn't know what to say. No one did. Whatever was on top of the mountain had finally wizened up, and destroyed the stairs.

"…"

"I have an idea!" Kevin piped up. "Let's all stand on each other's shoulders, and then Kathy will get upstairs!"

"What about us?" Everyone else except Kathy asked.

"When she goes upstairs, the whole team goes up as well." Kevin explained.

They tried the plan, and, unsurprisingly due to story continuation, it worked.

F10

"We're at the peak!" Caroline shouted, almost not believing it.

"HOLD IT!"

"?"

A giant, black-and-yellow bird descended. "It's me, yo! ZAP'D-OSS!"

"That's now how you spell your name," Nagaoryu observed.

"Whatevah, foo'! Now if y'all think yuar-gonna pass here, y'all DEAD WRONG, y'hear?"

"Why are you talking like a rapper?" Haku asked, annoyed by it.

"'Cause I wanta, foo'! Now are y'all gonna haveta hava DANCE-OFF if ya think y'all gonna pass, y'hear?"

"Whatever…" Eevee said, boredly.

"THAZZ RIGHT, FOO'S!" Even though it was physically impossible(due to them being on a mountain, and therefore outside), a disco ball descended. "Now prepare to get ZAP'D, little-foo's!"

The Zap'd-oss worked it like no one had ever seen one work it before. He twisted, turned, and swayed in a strange and yet entertainable fashion.

"Kathy should go up, she's the leader." Haku said, not wanting to dance more than anyone on the mountain. Everyone agreed.

"This is too weird for me…" Kathy said. She quicksaved, and went to the unknown dungeon.

She was in the Local Dungeon. After some searching, she found a strange item.

And this item was the key to their victory against "Zap'd-oss".


	5. Molteresa and Kirby?

A/N I don't own Pokemon.

I just made Zapdos disco-ey, I didn't mean to offend anyone. If I did, I'm really sorry.

And the Kathy-being-a-girl-but-turning-into-a-Meowth is also a joke(because I think you need to be a boy to turn into Meowth).

And the Kirby crossover doesn't last long, it was just a quick joke. So no, I don't own Kirby or any of his games.

Especially not Nintendo.

-----------------------------------

"Hey! Guys! Look what I found!" Kathy held up a Gold Fang.

"So?" Asked Haku.

Kathy attached the gold fang to her own. In this way, she looked a little more like a gangster.

"Whatchu talkin' 'bout, foo'?" Zap'd-oss pressed.

"Check THIS out!" Kathy did a series of lame moves that were extremely lame. However, she thought they were cool.

"Even tha Doduo downstairs can do better than THAT, foo'!"

"Hey! What are you doing?" Caroline asked Nagaoryu.

"I'm bored. So I'm doodling." He said, drawing a stick-figure person on the Persim Band. Suddenly, it changed colors. It turned from a pink-purple to an aqua!

"Whoa. Weird." Said Eevee, having caught the whole discussion and turn of events. He grabbed it, and tossed it to Haku. "CATCH!"

Haku turned around, but too late. She would have highly objected to wearing anything light-colored, but she accidentally "caught" it on her heck. It fit easily, and all of a sudden, she started glowing white.

"Haku's evolving!" Kathy said, amazedly. However, it turned out Haku was doing nothing of the sort. She grew taller, her arms and legs grew longer, and her head grew smaller. When the light died down, she had been turned into a human! What was strange was the fact that she had clothes on, considering she started out with none.

"Whoa!!" Nagaoryu shouted.

"Nagaoryu, you turned the Persim Band into a Person Band!!" Kevin said, turning to him.

"Haku! You're our last hope! Dance!" Kathy shouted.

"NO!" Haku jumped off the mountain, but was unlucky enough to land on a Fearow that was flying upwards, and ended up on the peak again. "What the—?!" She did the same thing, but it happened again, this time with a Swellow. "Fine."

She walked over to the Zap'd-oss, and danced him to death.

"THIS ISN'T OVAH, FOO'S!!" Zapdos shouted as he flew off. In style, of course. Caroline picked up a quill from his feathers that Zap'd-oss lost when he was taking off.

"Haku, that was AMAZING!" Kathy shouted.

"Yeah!" Everyone echoed.

"Huh?"

"Hey, can _I_ have the Person Band?" Kathy asked, wondering if it would bring her back home.

"What? I-I Can't understand ANY of you!" Haku apparently, after being turned into a human, couldn't understand Pokemon anymore. "This is GREAT! I don't have to listen to any of you anymore! And I don't have to stay with my mom! YES!" She jumped off the mountain, this time not saved by a Pokemon.

"What a waste of a perfectly good Person Band." Eevee said, apparently not caring about Haku in the least, even from the start. For some reason, everyone else agreed, and moved on, not wanting the "alien-hunters" to catch up with them.

After a string of meaningless scenes, most of them having to do with Turnips, they reached a blazingly hot mountain.

"Ow! It's too HOT!" Caroline said, being a grass-type.

"Stop being such a baby. Isn't it WONDERFUL here?" Kevin asked, being a fire-type.

"Come on, let's move…" Kathy said, trying not to stall the mountain-climbing scene any more.

It was all pretty boring, except for the fact that they all got somewhat burned on their feet and Nagaoryu on his tongue from wanting to know what the walls tasted like.

"Hello?" Kathy asked, once they reached the peak.

"Look at all that lava!" Caroline pointed out, being the most careful because she was a grass-type.

"There are all these flaming feathers everywhere!" Kevin noted, eating one for some reason. Right before Caroline picked it up, they heard a chattery voice.

"Yeah, I know! I know! And it, like, was totally unfair, you know? … Yeah! Yeah! I mean, seriously! Like, totally! And it, like—"

"Um, excuse me?" Kathy said, trying to talk to the over-cellphoned Pokemon.

"Hang on, Ray." The flaming bird-Pokemon turned around. "Can't-you-see-I'm-on-the-phone?"

"…"

The flaming bird-Pokemon continued talking. Eevee got pissed and threw a Poison Spike at it.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR!! Hang on, Ray, these Pokemon are, like, totally _rude_!" She turned around. "I'm, like, Moltres, and you're, like, dead!"

"No, I'm KATHY, and this is Kevin, Eevee, Caroline, Nagaoryu…"

"Like, shut up! I'm, like, talking to my, like, boyfriend, and you, like, start throwing, like weird stuff at me! I, like, have a molting problem, and you, like, do this to me?" She jumped into the magma then came out again, dripping with it. Everyone backed up.

"You know, we don't _have_ do fight." Caroline nervously reasoned, hating magma the most.

"Oh-yes-we-DO!"

"Bad idea, bird brain." Nagaoryu shot a stream of water at Moltres, and it turned solid. The bird was turned into a giant statue.

"Teresa?" Ray asked through her cell phone. "Teresa, are you alr—" Eevee kicked in the magma.

Caroline carefully picked up one of the flaming feathers. Suddenly, the three feathers started circling around her head, and turned into a—

"A CELL PHONE?!"

"Press it!" Eevee shouted. Caroline did. Suddenly, three differently-colored puffballs with swords came out of the screen.

"Kirby Cell Service, you call, we come. How may we help you?" The blue one said.

"SING!" Eevee shouted. The blue one sung Blue(Da Ba Dee, by Eiffel 64), the Red one sung Love Love Shine(the one on DDR), and the Yellow one sung The Sun Song(on OOT/MM, Zelda). "Now give us Pizza!" They did. It tasted good.

"This is too random! Go back in the cell phone, I think I hear them coming!" Kathy urged. But it was good pizza.

Nonetheless, they continued their journey with the Kirby Cell Phone in hand.

"I'm thirsty." Nagaoryu whined.


End file.
